My Little Pony: Dirty Cash
by GEM1588
Summary: Money problems make the ponies turn to an unlikely solution. G1 era. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Inspired by the My Little Psycho series by CorpseyCamel.**

**My Little Pony is owned by Hasbro (though over two hundred of them live in my bedroom)**

**Not my normal style. In fact the only genuine "T" rated piece I have ever written. **

**Enjoy?**

* * *

Introduction: My Little Pony: Dirty Cash

Peachy sat her weary old bones on the chair in front of her desk. There were papers piled everywhere, mostly collection notices and past due bills. But the letter that came today was the icing on the cake. A foreclosure notice.

After being in business since 1982 (twenty seven glorious years), The Pretty Parlor (of which Peachy was the sole proprietor) was going under and there was nothing she could do about it. Most of her regular customers were now on fixed incomes and couldn't afford to come in as often as they used to. New business was scarce – the current generation of ponies weren't impressed by colorful ribbons and vintage 80's era Pony Wear.

Peachy was angry at the world, the economy and the corporate giant known as Hasbro, Inc. If you were to ask her thoughts on the latter she could give you an earful. In the last few years they'd poured millions of dollars into revitalizing Transformers, bringing them back to the big screen and mass producing merchandise. And sure, they let Pinkie Pie have a brief two second cameo – but would she get to star in a film of her own – NO! Every My Little Pony feature made was always straight to DVD. Then to add insult to injury – Transformers got a SEQUEL!

When the residents of Dream Valley found out about Hasbro's G.I. Joe campaign, it all hit the fan. Again the corporate monster poured millions of dollars into a live action movie and merchandising. Did anyone ever mention making a My Little Pony movie?

Over the years Hasbro purchased licensing rights for Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Spiderman, Ironman and Marvel superheroes – and that was just the tip of the iceberg! And through these actions one thing was made perfectly clear to Peachy:

Hasbro was sexist.

Seriously. What does Hasbro have to offer the fairer gender? Aside from My Little Pony – girls could also choose from Littlest Pet Shop and Strawberry Shortcake. Doesn't that seem a like a very short list to you?

Peachy was fired up from the injustice of it all. She picked up her vintage rotary phone with her teeth and began the four minute dialing process with her left hoof.

The phone rang a few times before her old friend Lemondrop, the sole owner of The Show Stable, answered. Like herself, Lemondrop was having financial difficulty as well. Not many ponies wanted to live at a stable when they had places like the Crystal Castle and Butterfly Island at their fingertips.

There was a series of neighs and whinnies as the two old mares exchanged pleasantries. As tough as things were it was always nice to talk to an old friend. Lemondrop suggested that Peachy swing by the Show Stable for tea that afternoon. Ponies love Tea Parties. Peachy happily accepted and made her way across the green rolling meadow.

She was excited to find that more of her old mates were also invited to tea. Cotton Candy and Blossom were there. Along with Butterscotch, Minty and Bluebelle who were happily frolicking around in the tall lush grass. Peachy noticed that only one of the Original Collector six was missing: Snuzzle. But she had a habit of chasing butterflies and was probably just running late.

"Tea's ready!" Lemondrop announced. The girls all came running. As they sat around sipping tea and eating pinafores they discussed their current financial crisis.

"Maybe we could sell lemonade!" Cotton Candy suggested as she tossed her silky pink mane.

"I think Alex has that market cornered." Blossom replied.

"What about selling cookies?" Minty's blue eyes sparkled.

"I think the Girl Scouts beat us to it" Butterscotch informed her.

The ponies sipped their tea in silence. No one wanted to suggest the obvious Pony Rides fundraiser. Last time they tried it, well it hadn't worked out too well.

Finally Peachy spoke up. "I have a suggestion". She unveiled her diabolical plan. There was only one way to solve their financial worries: Kidnap celebrities and hold them for ransom!

All the ponies agreed the plan was sheer genius. They were going to call some of their old friends and rally for support.

Later that night Peachy paraded down the catwalk of the Pretty Parlor admiring herself. Her peach colored plastic was still in excellent shape. Her pale pink mane and tail were as soft and silky as the day she was manufactured. The hearts painted on both her hips still colorful and vibrant. She set to work braiding her tail, tying the ends with colorful blue and purple ribbons. Curling her lips into a menacing smile she examined her handiwork.

Who would ever suspect a My Little Pony could be so devious?

* * *

**Chapter One – Miley Cyrus**

**Owned by Disney. Borrowed by me.**

The team was assembled in just a few days. At the Show Stable, the ponies were overjoyed to see each other again. They raced around the flower filled meadow chasing each other.

Lemondrop called everyone to order and they filed slowly through the green gate toward the stable. Looking down the list they compiled of popular celebrities, they made their choice.

"Best of Both Worlds, huh?" Peachy laughed an evil laugh. "Hannah Montana better watch her back."

The herd of ponies formed a circle in the pasture and got to work, planning their first job.

-o-

"And cut!" The director called the scene to a close with wide grin. "Fantastic job, Miley!" He patted her shoulder as she left the set.

"Thanks, Bob" She smiled back as she removed her Hannah Montana wig. "I hate this thing" she muttered as she tossed it to the floor where her three personal assistants tripped over each other to pick it up.

"Where's my tripled iced moc…" She hadn't even finished the name of the beverage before one was placed in her hand. "Thanks!" she said before taking a sip. In spite of her fame, Miley was still very polite.

"Miss Cyrus" Jim, one of her personal assistants kept pace with her "You have twelve more royalty checks to deposit. I need you to sign the backs of them" He held out a pen and clipboard with several checks attached.

"I thought they were just going to start wiring the money." She said with annoyance. "I am _trying_ to promote Going Green. Make sure no one sees me with paper checks – ok" she told Jim as she quickly scribbled her name across them all. "Thanks"

"Yes Miss Cyrus." Jim replied and fell to the side while filling out her deposit slip.

"Miss Cyrus" Ashley another assistant quickly took his place. "I have an invitation here to Rupert Grint's surprise birthday party"

"A _paper_ invitation" Miley groaned. "Why didn't they just send an e-vite? What are these people DOING to me?"

"What should I tell them?" Ashley asked.

"I like Rupert. Tell them I'm coming with.." She counted on her fingers "Twenty guests. That should cover it. Oh, and make sure that invite gets recycled. I don't want TMZ all over me again. Thanks Ashley."

"Will do Miss Cyrus" Ashley dropped back as she reached for her Blackberry to pencil in the date.

"Miss Cyrus" A third voice said. "You have a dinner date tonight"

"I do?" Miley turned around and laughed. "Hi Daddy! Where have you been all day?"

"I shot my scenes earlier, so we could spend some time together tonight." Billy Ray replied. "I thought we could go the Karaoke place and shake things up a bit."

"Daddy you are so funny" Miley answered. "Let me get some things from my trailer and I'll meet you in front office."

"Sounds great" Her father tosselled her hair.

"Oh Daddy – you did drive the Hybrid today, right?" Miley asked.

"Of course, honey. I'm a part of this Going Green campaign too."

Miley opened the door to her trailer and tripped over the fanfare that was jammed inside. She glanced at the pile of cards, stuffed animals and flower arrangements. "I have the best fans" she grinned. She grabbed her personal items and went to leave when a small gift bag with a rainbow on it caught her eye. She took a quick peek inside and was delighted to find a My Little Pony.

"Awww. I used to have one of these when I was a kid" She petted the soft pink mane. "What's your name Little Pony?" she said to the small figurine. "Since I can't remember I'll call you….Hearts. Because that's your symbol." She put the pony in her bag and left the trailer heading up the front offices to meet her father.

She was only a few feet from her trailer when something hit her from behind. She collapsed to the ground. Unconscious.

-o-

When Miley woke up she was tethered to tack rack with leather reins.

"Where am I?" she called out loudly trying to gauge her surroundings.

"_You've been kidnapped."_ A strange voice said. _"As soon as we get one million dollars you'll be free to go"_

"One million dollars? That's it? That's all you want?" Miley replied a little insulted. She figured she was worth quite a bit more than that.

"_Yes" _The voice replied.

"Well untie me and I'll write you a personal check." She told the voice.

In moments her arms were freed and she reached for her bag taking out her checkbook. "Who should I make this payable to?" She asked the empty room.

" _Mr. will be fine" _The voice told her.

"Ok" Miley jotted down the name and filled in the rest of the check. "Here it is" she waved it in front of her.

"_Just leave it on the desk please" _The voice said.

"Ok" Miley did as instructed. "Have a great night ya'll" She said as she walked out the front door. "That was so weird" She said to herself as she hailed a cab.

"Where to Miss Cyrus?" The cabdriver asked. "The studio please. And is this a hybrid?"

"Absolutely" The driver at her.

"Perfect" Miley grinned and opened her bag. "Oh gosh dang it!" She exclaimed. "I must dropped Hearts when I was kidnapped. Shucks."

-o-

Peachy smiled as she checked her account balance. One million dollars richer. The Pretty Parlor was saved! She called Lemondrop excitedly. "Our plan is working! Who's next on the list?"

Lemondrop checked the spiral notebook in her hoof.

"Zac Effron" She told her.

"Ah yes" Peachy grinned devilishly. "We're all in this Together, Troy Bolton"

* * *

**Chapter Two – Zac Effron**

**Contracted with Warner Brothers to play "Jonny" in Jonny Quest (in development)**

**Borrowed by me for this little side project**

Wearing only his board shorts, Zac Effron stood with his surfboard at his side smiling for the cameras. His bare muscular pectorals glistened in the sunlight. He was voted People Magazine's #1 Best Chest for a reason (because he's pretty dang yummy)

Zac didn't like to be in the Hollywood spotlight. In fact the success of High School Musical caught him completely off guard. But he was a good sport about dealing with the paparazzi. He had nothing to hide.

"Ok people that's a wrap" His manager/agent called the photo shoot to halt. "Zac needs his rest"

"Thanks man" Zac nodded to his manager/agent and friend, Jason Barrett. "Would it be cool if I caught one more wave before calling it day?"

"Sure go ahead." Jason nodded. "Just don't get carried away. We have a red carpet event tonight and you and Vanessa need to be at your best"

"We will be" Zac grinned as he headed out to the surf. He caught the ride of his life coming back to the beach. Jason applauded loudly. "Nice job, man. Maybe I'll try to get you in a surf movie."

"I'd like that. As long as I don't have to sing" Zac laughed.

"I told you I was going to keep you away from that remember. That's why we turned down the Footloose remake." Jason snapped his fingers and pointed to Zac. "We're done with the type casting."

"Sounds good to me" Zac patted himself down with the fluffy beach towel. They walked to the secluded spot where their cars were parked.

Zac set his board on the roof rack of his car and fastened it tight. He hopped inside and saw a My Little Pony sitting on the passenger seat.

"What's this?" He picked up the six inch plastic horse in his hand. She had an orange body with a bright yellow mane and tail. On each side there were several apples painted. "It's a My Little Pony. I bet Vanessa would like it" Zac put the Pony in the cup holder next to his water bottle.

"Meet you at the hotel" Jason said as he pulled up next to Zac's car.

"Right behind you boss" Zac shifted the car into gear and followed his agent out to the highway. He turned on the CD player and cued up the first song. Zac rolled the windows up and turned the volume down. The first few notes of the song played and he drummed the rhythm on the steering wheel.

_Tonight I gotta cut_

_Loose_

_Footloose_

"I'm not Kevin Bacon." Zac said to the My Little Pony "but I think I could have done a respectable job."

Applejack stared back at him with her painted on green eyes. As a product of the eighties herself, she took the comment personally. He certainly wasn't Kevin Bacon. And NO ONE should remake Footloose. Ever.

Zac hit a pothole and Applejack flew from her spot in the cup holder and onto the floor of the driver's side.

"Ooops" Zac leaned over to pick her up as he stopped at a traffic light. That was the last thing he remembered.

-o-

He awoke disoriented in a strange room. "Where am I?" He asked loudly.

"_You've been kidnapped."_ A strange voice said. _"As soon as we get one million dollars you'll be free to go"_

"I don't have a million dollars" Zac replied.

"_What? But you're Zac Effron! How can you not have a million dollars?" _The voice asked in astonishment.

"Most of my money is in real estate." Zac told the voice. "My assets are frozen right now with the recent economical turmoil. I couldn't sell right now if I wanted to"

"_Can you borrow the money from someone?"_ The voice asked.

"Maybe" Zac scratched his head. "Let me call my girlfriend" He took his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed Vanessa Hudgens.

"Hi, it's me"

"ZAC! Where are you?"

"I've been kidnapped. Can I borrow a million dollars for the ransom?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. I promise to pay you back."

"Just like you promised to empty the dishwasher last night?"

"No. Last night I just said that so you'd stop nagging me. This is a REAL promise"

"Fine. I'll wire it over"

"I really appreciate it"

"I know. Now don't be late tonight ok?"

"I won't."

"I love you, Zac"

"I love you too, Vanessa"

Mmmmwahhhhh. Mmmmmmwahhhhh. Mmmmmmwahhhhh.

After several minutes of kissy noises Zac hung up the phone. "She's going to wire the money. Here's my account number" He took out a pen and paper. "I'm calling the bank right now to authorize a withdrawal."

After making the arrangements with his bank, Zac headed back out to his car. He hit the button on the keypad to unlock the door and began searching the floor of the driver's side for the My Little Pony that had fallen there. "Aww" He said in disappointment when it was nowhere to be found. "Guess I'll have to give Vanessa some flowers instead"

-o-

Lemondrop clapped her hooves together excitedly when she saw her account balance. Now she had enough money to catch up and her past due bills AND make a few much needed repairs.

"Who's next on the list?" Cotton Candy asked as she munched on daisy.

"Miranda Cosgrove" Lemondrop answered.

Peachy tossed her mane with an air of superiority. "iCarly is about to get iKidnapped"

* * *

**Chapter Three – Miranda Cosgrove**

**Owned by Nickelodeon. Borrowed by me.**

_Chelsie – keep on Random Dancing – iCarly_

"I watch your show EVERY day" Seven year old Chelsie Parker squealed as she clutched the autographed picture to her chest. "And I LOVE your music!"

"Thanks, Chelsie" Miranda grinned. "It was great meeting you"

Chelsie danced off excitedly with her mother and the next fan stepped forward to get a tee shirt autographed. Miranda glanced down the line of fans and smiled. She was quite shy for a celebrity and rarely did public appearances. Her agent made deal with Aeropostale and here she was, at the mall signing autographs.

"What's your name?" She asked the little girl.

"Carly!" The child shrieked excitedly. "Mommy, It's Carly. It's Carly!"

Miranda laughed and looked up at the girl's mother. "She absolutely adores you" the woman told her. "Her name is Hannah"

"Hannah" Miranda took the tee shirt from her and signed the back. Hannah continued to jump up and down yelling "Carly! Carly!"

"It was nice meeting you Hannah" Miranda came around from behind the table and gave her a hug while her mother snapped a quick photo.

"It was nice meeting you too" the mother smiled.

"Carly! Carly! Carly!" A group of teenage boys chanted. Miranda glanced up to the second story where they hung over the railing.

"We think you're HOT!" One of them screamed.

"If you want a boyfriend – I'm single!" Another called out.

Miranda blushed and looked away. She didn't date much. Well, actually she didn't date at all.

"Text me!" the boy in the baseball hat yelled followed by his phone number.

She could feel the redness grow on her cheeks. Glancing over at her agent, she saw him gesture to the boys and say something to the security guard. The guard immediately got on his walkie talkie.

An hour later there was no one left in line and Miranda's agent and began packing up the table and the box of photographs.

"I think we did very well today" Her agent told her. "Did you enjoy yourself?"

"I did." Miranda lips spread into a wide grin. "Much more than I thought I would."

"So, if more of these opportunities came up, you'd be interested?" He said as he folded the flaps of a cardboard box over.

"I don't know" She said hesitantly. "Maybe?"

"I think it would be a great PR, Miranda"

"I'll think about it." She nodded.

"I'll keep my ears open." He picked up both boxes. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yep" She answered as she grabbed her bag and cell phone. As she walked around the side of the table a tuff of purple hair caught her eye. She bent down and looked at the figurine on the floor. "It's a My Little Pony!" she said picking it up. She looked around the immediate vicinity, thinking maybe one of her fans had dropped it by mistake. But there was no one around. She looked at the pony again. She had a yellow body with purple hair and purple raindrops on her sides. "Raindrops" Miranda giggled. "Reminds me of my song "Raining Sunshine" Maybe I should drop this off at the lost and found." She twirled the purple silky tail around her finger. "Or maybe I could post a picture on my website." While she debated what to do she noticed her agent was at least fifteen stores away. She held the pony in her hand and hurried to catch up with him. That was the last thing she remembered.

-o-

Miranda woke up in a strange room. "Hello. Is anyone here" She asked as she rubbed the back of her head. 'ow'

"_You've been kidnapped."_ A strange voice said. _"As soon as we get one million dollars you'll be free to go"_

"One million dollars!" She said in astonishment as she opened her bag and took out her wallet. "I only have $97.51. Is that enough?"

"_NO"_ The voice replied.

"Ok" She rummaged through her bag. "I also have a $500 giftcard to Aeropostale"

"_What else do you have?"_

Miranda dumped the contents of her bag on the floor. "Some glitter, grape flavored lip gloss, a brush, a mirror, my lucky pen…" she continued to rattle off a list of items. None of which had any significant value.

"_We want money"_

Miranda rolled her eyes. "I'm not trying to be bossy BUT if this is a kidnapping, shouldn't you be calling my _parents_ and asking them for the money"

The voice was silent.

"Fine" She took out her phone and dialed. "I'll call them."

After a few brief minutes on the phone Miranda hung up. "They're coming to get me and they'll have the money. All the bills are unmarked, nonsequential and in a duffle bag. I hope that's alright."

"_That's perfect"_

Miranda sat in the backseat of her parents' car looking through her bag. "It's not in here" she said to herself. "I can't believe I misplaced that adorable My Little Pony"

-o-

Back at The Show Stable the ponies danced happily in the meadow. They were three million dollars richer. Nothing could stop them now.

"Who's next?"

"Yes. Who IS next?" Peachy rubbed her hooves together maliciously.

* * *

**So - who's next??? Your suggestions are appreciated!**

**Written for my Sammie - In the words of the great Brooke Davis - Clothes over Bros! It does get better girlfriend. Trust me.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hope you all enjoy this very past due update. - Gemma**

* * *

Lemondrop scanned down the list. "Taylor Swift", she told Peachy.

"Taylor Swift," Lemondrop said, furry brow wrinkling in thought. "If she writes a song about us – do we get royalties?"

"We're trademarked by HASBRO," Minty noted. "So THEY would get the royalties."

"Like they need any more money," Lemondrop scoffed.

"Hey look – it's the preview for Transformers 3," Cotton Candy announced, calling their attention the TV screen.

"Grrrrr," Peachy snarled. Bucking her hind legs, she smashed the television with her hooves. "We'll see how _Fearless_ Taylor Swift really is."

**Chapter Four – Taylor Swift**

**Affiliated with Big Machine. Borrowed by me.**

"And I especially dedicate this to all my fans. I love you!" Taylor Swift proclaimed as she humbly accepted yet another Teen Choice Award. The tall blonde allowed the presenters to lead her off stage where her mother/manager was waiting for her.

"I can't believe I won," Taylor threw her arms around her mother's neck. "It's like a dream come true."

"You deserve it." Her mother hugged her back. "All your hard work and exploitation of those close to you has finally paid off."

"Exploitation?" Taylor pulled away from her mother, a hurt look on her face. "I tell stories about my life, my experiences."

"You name names, Honey."

"Not last names," Taylor said defensively.

"Ms. Swift, this way please." Taylor and her mother followed a man dressed in a tuxedo through a set of doors and back into a sound proof room, so she could warm up for her performance.

Taylor gave her award to her mother, who was smiling proudly, and stepped into the room closing the door behind her. The room contained only the necessities; a stool; her guitars; a small table with bottled water set in ice and a head set.

The fair Taylor put on the head set and opened her one of her guitar cases. She removed her favorite jeweled guitar and a pick and set about tuning it to the appropriate chords. It was then she noticed a something wedged in the bottom of her guitar case.

"What is this?" she asked picking up the green and white toy. "It's a My Little Pony?" she said turning the pony upside down and then right side up again. She set the pony down on the floor in front of her.

"Well, Pony – what song would you like to hear?" Taylor strummed on her guitar, checking the pitch. She sang a few "la-la-la's" to warm up. Realizing her throat was a little dry, she walked to the table for a bottle of water, turning her back on the My Little Pony.

That was the last thing she remembered.

-o-

When Taylor awoke she was alone on a private jet. "Where am I?" she wondered. "And who is flying this plane?" She tried to get out of her seat, but she was buckled in tightly. Try as she might, she could not undo the latch.

"Oh no," she panicked, yanking on the belt. "What's going on?"

"_You've been kidnapped."_ A strange voice said. _"As soon as we get one million dollars you'll be free to go."_

"Kidnapped?" Taylor repeated. "By who?"

"_That doesn't matter. Give us one million dollars or else we will crash this plane."_

"WHAT!" Taylor screeched. She looked out the window to see nothing but ocean beneath her. "Fine. I'll give you a million dollars. Just – _please – _don't hurt me."

"_Once we get the money, you will be free to go. But you better hurry. We're running out of fuel."_

"What do I do? What do I do?" Taylor muttered shakily. "My phone." She went for her pockets, but she was still wearing her gown – her phone was back at the awards show!

"I don't have my phone!" she told the voice. "I can't wire the money without my phone."

"_We'll do it for you. What's your user ID and password?"_

"I can't tell you that!" Taylor shook her head.

The plane began to vibrate. The interior lights dimmed. Oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling.

"Okay. Okay. Okay!" Taylor screamed. "I'll tell you. I'll you everything! Just please – make it stop!" She closed her eyes and waited. A split second later, the cabin lights were on again and the ride had smoothed out.

"My username is," Taylor said with a deep exhale. "T-A-S-W-1-F-T-1-3"

"_And your password."_

"I can't…," Taylor told the voice, regretfully.

"_YOUR PASSWORD."_

"It's…It's…" she trailed off.

The plane began to shake again.

"sizeDOESmatter!" Taylor screamed. "My password is; sizeDOESmatter!"

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. Now everyone would know the truth. Everyone would know why she'd broken up with so many guys. All her fans would know how shallow she really was when it came to relationships. Her reputation would be ruined.

"There's an old expression," a tiny voice said.

Taylor peered through her fingers at the small plastic horse who'd mysteriously appeared on the seat beside her.

"That good things come in small packages," the Pony smiled at her. "Perhaps you should re-think your philosophy."

Taylor nodded.

"_Transaction complete," _the strange voice announced._ "Please buckle your seat belt as we prepare to land."_

When Taylor looked back at the seat the My Little Pony had vanished, but her words lingered in the blonde's mind.

"There's someone I need to apologize to," Taylor said aloud. "If only I could go back in time. Back to December…"

-o-

"Thank the Tulips!" Peachy exclaimed as she signed the last mortgage check. The Pretty Parlor was now HERS!

Beside her Lemondrop and the Original Six held out a beautiful cake that they'd baked.

"This is truly a special moment!" Peachy told them. "I couldn't have done it without you!"

As the ponies celebrated, there was a frantic pounding on the front door of the Parlor.

"Who could that be?" Peachy wondered aloud – all her friends were here – Could it be a customer? She left the party to answer the door. She placed a hoof to her mouth in surprise when she opened the door.

"Majesty," she gasped.

The Unicorn Queen stood before her and bowed humbly.

"I need your help," she told the Pony.

"What's wrong?" Peachy asked.

"It's the Dream Castle," Majesty said sadly. "It's been condemned. We need millions of dollars to repair it and get a Certificate of Occupancy from the Building Inspector of Dream Valley."

"I think I might be able to help," Peachy smiled, inviting the Queen inside. "Lemondrop!" she called to her friend. "Where's that list of celebrities?"

"Right here," Lemondrop answered.

"Let's see…," Peachy looked at it. "How about this one?" she asked.

**So, Who's next?...**


	3. Chapter 3

"Daniel Radcliffe," Majesty read the celebrity's name from the list. She looked at Peachy with dismay. "You want me to kidnap Harry Potter?"

"He's NOT Harry Potter," Lemondrop told the Unicorn Queen. "He's merely a short guy who wears a robe and waves around a wand to collect a paycheck."

"So he doesn't have magical powers?" Majesty's forelock curled about her horn skeptically.

"Nope," Peachy said confidently. "He's just a British actor."

"Alright," Majesty whinnied. "Where can I find him?"

Peachy pulled back a large curtain. Behind an array of colorful ribbons and barrettes and beside her collection of pony hats - there was an intricate computerized GPS system. An array of multi-colored dots moved about the screen.

"There," she pointed with her hoof. "New York."

Majesty then closed her eyes and concentrated. The horn on her head began to magically glow, in preparation to teleport her to The Big Apple.

"Expelliarmus, Harry Potter."

**Chapter Five – Daniel Radcliffe**

**Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling and Warner Brothers. Daniel Radcliffe, however is up for grabs.**

Daniel Radcliffe sat alone in his posh Manhattan penthouse. It was close to 1am on a Friday night and he was relaxing with a few drinks and a certain (illegal) herbal substance.

He was a feeling a little melancholy since the Harry Potter series was over. It had been his trademark (and basically his entire career). He hadn't done much else – unless you count that play he did completely nude (ew!) – and now his Broadway debut. (Though "How to Succeed in Business without Actually Trying" had more words in the title than people sitting in the audience)

Anyway, Daniel had bigger things to worry about. Such as his love life – or lack thereof at the present moment. He opened the People Magazine and stared at her picture. She was beautiful. He wanted so much to get to know her better. But that was easier said than done. She hadn't returned any of his calls or texts.

He picked up his cell phone and dialed his old chum, Emma Watson. She'd been his eye into a woman's mind for as long as he could remember.

"Ello Daniel," she said when she answered her phone.

"Ello Ems," he replied.

"She hasn't called back yet, has she?" Emma asked, getting right to the point.

"Am I that obvious?"

"Give her a few days. I'm sure she's very busy."

"Do you think I should send her another text?"

"How many have you sent her?"

"Eleven."

"I think that's more than enough."

"But I want her to know it's me, Harry Potter and not Harry, Prince Harry."

"I think she knows, Daniel."

"But from what I'm reading in People Magazine – she's…"

"Put the tabloids down before you do something stupid," Emma told him sternly. "If it's not already too late."

"Very well," Daniel agreed, folding over the page so only her photo was visible.

"Now get some sleep. It's got to be past midnight for you."

Daniel set his phone down in front of him then picked it back up scrolling through his speed dial. He wanted so much to talk to her again; to hear her sweet voice. He brought her photo to his lips and kissed it.

"I love you, Pippa Middleton."

Yes. Daniel Radcliffe had a wicked crush on the sister of the new Princess. He certainly hoped the rumors about her and Prince Harry dating weren't true. Because, honestly – how do you compete with a Prince? Granted Harry was the second in line and unless something catastrophic happened, he would never be more than a Prince. But still – he was of Royal Blood, with land and power and …

"It's no use," Daniel muttered sinking back into his leather recliner. "Being one of the richest people in England isn't enough! In order to have a chance with Pippa – I'd have to be a Prince." He took a long, long puff of a certain green substance rolled in a white paper and then exhaled slowly.

When the haze cleared, a small white unicorn with a teal blue mane and tail stood beside him on the arm of his chair.

"Harry Potter," she spoke authoritatively. "I am here to kidnap you."

"What the?" Daniel blurted. Was there seriously a tiny talking unicorn in his penthouse?

He blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes.

When he looked again she was still there, tail swishing side to side expectantly.

"Are you real?" he asked.

"Of course I'm real," she snorted indignantly.

Daniel swallowed and looked at the baggie he'd nearly emptied through the course of the evening. "That's some strong effing shit," he proclaimed. "I'm bloody hallucinating." He made a mental note to NEVER buy anything from Chace Crawford again.

"You're not hallucinating," the little unicorn declared. "I'm just as real as you are."

"Okay," Daniel nodded, tentatively reaching a hand toward her.

"What are you doing?" she asked disappearing from site – only to reappear a few feet away.

"How did you do that?" Daniel asked.

"I'm Queen of the Unicorns," she told him. "And now you're coming with me."

That was the last thing Daniel remembered.

-o-

When he awoke he was crammed in a very tiny room. There were no doors – just a miniscule window – barely large enough to fit his arm through. He walked the room several times – which equated spinning in a circle – until he was dizzy.

"_You've been kidnapped."_ A strange voice said. _"As soon as we get one million dollars you'll be free to go."_

"Where am I?" he asked, head beginning to clear from the earlier rotation.

"_You're in the tower, where you'll remain our prisoner until we receive the money."_

"Tower? As in a castle tower?"

"_Yes."_

A wild thought went through Daniel's mind. "See here's the thing," Daniel rubbed his palms together. "I need a castle and you need money. So how about I just buy this castle? Five million pounds sound fair?"

"_You want to buy the castle?"  
_

"And everything that goes with it," Daniel bartered skillfully. "From the furniture to the paintings. I want it all, including the title of KING."

"_You really want to buy _this_ castle?"_

"Absolutely," Daniel said as visions of himself and Pippa dancing in the grand ballroom filled his mind.

"_SOLD."_

-o-

"Sign here and here. And initial here," the lawyer told Daniel, who happily scrawled his name on document after document without reading a word. All he could think about was the golden crown he was wearing on his head and the fact that in a few short moments he would officially be a King.

"And that's it," the lawyer gathered up the papers and pushed them into file folder. "You'll receive the deed in about 72 hours, Your Majesty."

Daniel grinned from ear to ear. He eagerly sent out a TWITTER to his fans about his new title as he walked through the large wooden gates. He crossed the drawbridge and held his breath as he spun around, about to take in the sight of his new castle.

His eyes bulged from their sockets.

His new castle was VERY brightly colored with dozens of velvet flags flying from atop its turrets.

YIKES.

He hoped Pippa liked Neon Pink.

-o-

"I can't believe he paid me five million pounds for the Dream Castle," Majesty grinned as she admired her account balance on the screen on her new laptop. "Even MIB (Mint in Box) on Ebay it only goes for about $250 – and that's on a good day."

"So who do we kidnap next?" she asked.

"Well," Peachy and Lemondrop exchanged a worried look. "We weren't planning on kidnapping anyone else," Peachy told the Queen.

"Since we have all the money we need," Lemondrop spoke up. "We were just going to quit while we were ahead."

"You can never have enough money. Never." Majesty informed them. "Now where's that list?"

"Uh-oh," the ponies looked at each other. A power-hungry unicorn was never, never a good thing.

"How about this one?" Majesty set the list down on the table, drawing an imaginary underline with her horn.

"Baby, Baby, Baby" Peachy sighed when she saw the name.

"Ohhhhhhh - Baby, Baby, Baby," Lemondrop added.

Majesty lowered her head; her horn began to magically glow again. "I think I feel an acute case of BieberFever coming on," she told the ponies just before she disappeared.

**Chapter Six – Justin Bieber**

**Owned by the labels: Island and RBMG. Discovered by Scooter. Mentored by Usher. Borrowed by me.**

"Cramp! Cramp!" Justin Bieber yelped, the sharpie fell out of his hand and onto the floor. "Mom, help!" he whined, holding out his hurting appendage to his mother. She immediately began to massage her little boy's writing hand.

"How many more?" he moaned, looking at the sea of guitars piled up in the room. SONY was donating autographed guitars to several charities as part of PR event. And Justin was one of just three celebrities voted by their fans to sign them.

"About a hundred," his mother answered.

"A hundred," the teen groaned. "Can I take a break?" he asked his manager.

"Go ahead. Ten minutes."

"Thank you," Justin got up from the table and went into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and took out his phone.

"Hey JB," Selena Gomez said in a rather sultry tone as she answered his call.

"Hey," he replied, his own voice mimicking hers. "So where are you?"

"In my bedroom."

"What are you doing?"

"Looking at those pictures you sent me."

"Which ones?"

"From Sean Kingston's house."

"Oh, yeah," he grinned.

"Why don't you ever invite me out with your friends?"

"Uhhhhh," Justin stammered. Her question caught him off-guard. Apparently she didn't know about the unspoken "No Girlfriends" rule when a guy hangs out with his crew. "I thought you were bowling with the Glee cast."

"Nope."

"Oh. Next time," he told her.

"Promise?" she asked.

"Promise," he lowered his voice just enough to be PG sexy. "You know you're my girl."

"I know, but it seems like you always ditch me for your R&B friends."

"I'm sorry, Sel," Justin told her. I'll make it up to you."

"You will?"

"Next time we go out on the yacht – I'll let you give me a massage in front of the paparazzi."

"Even TMZ?"

"Even TMZ. But I gotta go sign a bunch of guitars."

"Text me later."

"Yeah."

Justin quickly hung up the phone with Selena and called his best friend and mentor, Usher.

"My Man!" Usher said enthusiastically. "I was just about to call you."

"Oh yeah?"

"How would you like to fly out to Vegas tonight and party with Beyonce?"

"Beyonce?" Justin could barely fight the drool. "I would LOVE to go."

"I thought so. My jet will be at the airport."

"OhmyGod," Justin gushed after he'd hung up his phone. "Beyonce." He felt a tremor of nervous energy travel through his stomach. "My hair has to be perfect," he said to his reflection as he ran a fingertip across his brow. "And what should I wear? OhmyGod," he jumped up and down with excitement. "Tonight I'm hanging with Beyonce!"

He sent a text to his BFF Jayden Smith.

JB: BIG PLANS 2NITE

Jayden wrote back immediately.

JS: ?

JB: BEYONCE

JS: NFW

JB: YFW

JS: HAVE FUN

JB: I WILL ; )

The anticipation pulsed through Bieber and he signed the guitars quickly – all the while thinking about what he'd be doing the remainder of the evening. When he'd finished with the autographs, he went back to his hotel room to shower and change.

Two hours later, he still wasn't sure his hair was perfect – but his mother, his two body guards, and his stylist (who he'd brought in on an emergency SKYPE) assured him it was.

His bodyguards escorted him to the limousine awaiting him in the rear of the hotel – as that's where most celebrities sneak in and out. There was a very small crowd waiting and JB hastily signed a few more autographs and posed for a few pictures before heading for the airport.

The streets were busy at this hour, and the limo stopped several times and waited in traffic. Justin was getting impatient. He wanted to be on the plane NOW! He wanted to see the lovely Beyonce NOW!

"There's a detour," the driver told him and his bodyguards.

"Whatever," Justin rolled his eyes. A detour just meant it would take that much longer to get to Vegas. He pulled out his phone and started messing around with one of the newest apps he'd downloaded.

A few minutes later there was a horrible jolt as the limo had obviously run over something. The driver brought the limo to a screeching halt.

"Shit," Justin cursed (OMG!). That's all he needed was to get in a stupid car accident right now.

"Why are we stopping?" One of his bodyguards asked the driver.

"Hit something," the driver replied.

"No shit," Justin cursed (again!). "Go see what happened," he said to his bodyguard, who obligingly got out of the limo to look. The front door opened as well and Justin heard the driver get out of the vehicle too.

Several minutes later, neither had returned.

"What the hell?" Justin muttered in annoyance. "Go see what they're doing," he told the other bodyguard.

"I'm not supposed to leave your side," the bodyguard replied.

Justin sighed heavily. Having bodyguards sucked sometimes.

"Fine, then I'll go too." JB opened the door and stepped out into the street.

That was the last thing Justin remembered.

-o-

When he awoke there was nothing but sand for miles.

SAND!

He sat up and ran a hand gently over his perfect hair.

SHIT!

There was sand in his hair. And in his clothes. And in his shoes. Hell, there was sand EVERYWHERE!

"ARGHHHHH!" he screamed getting to his feet, dusting himself off. "This sucks! This sucks! This sucks!" he chanted. "This really, really SUCKS!"

And then, when he thought no one was looking; Justin Bieber threw a mini-temper tantrum. He kicked the sand, swung his fists at an imaginary opponent and screamed the dreaded "F" word several times. When he was finished he tossed back his head, placed his hands on his size 22 inch waist and breathed deeply.

"_Are you done?" _A strange voice asked.

"Who are you?" Justin looked around him in surprise. He had no idea that someone else was there.

"_You've been kidnapped."_ A strange voice said. _"As soon as we get one million dollars you'll be free to go."_

"Kidnapped?" Justin asked. "Are you serious?"

"_Yes. We will not let you have any food or water until we receive the money."_

"Yeah, well – there's going to be plenty of people looking for me," Justin told the voice. He took his phone out of his pocket and tried to dial his mother.

NO SIGNAL

"Figures," Justin groaned. "Look I have to be somewhere important. How much money did you want?"

"_One million dollars."_

Justin frowned. Was hanging with Beyonce worth one million dollars? He reached for his hair, which still contained remnants of sand. He couldn't go like this – he'd have to shower and change again – and by that time… it would probably be too late.

"I'll just wait it out," Justin decided. He laid down in the sand and looked up at the stars. With his hectic schedule, it wasn't often that he got a chance to appreciate some downtime.

"_Well how about this?"_ the voice said. _"Either you pay me one million dollars or I'll put the video I took of you on YouTube."_

"What video?" Justin asked.

"_The one of you sleeping with a My Little Pony."_

"I never slept with…,"

"_Never say Never, Justin."_

With those words Justin's phone buzzed with an incoming message (which was strange considering this whole time his phone had no signal). He opened the attachment and was shocked to find a video of himself, sound asleep with a giant pink stuffed pony tucked under his arm.

"This can't be me," Justin played the video again. But it was him.

As good as YouTube had been to him in the past – he knew better than to risk something like this getting out. While the hoards of pre-teen female fans might not care (they might even think it was cute) – he knew Usher, Scooter, Sean and Jayden would care - and what if he got dropped from the label because of a My Little Pony scandal. It would be humiliating!

No!

JB was not going down like that!

"FINE!" Justin scowled. "I'll get you the money. BUT – you have to destroy all copies of this video."

"_Deal."_

JB put his cell to his ear and dialed.

"Mom, I need an advance on my allowance."

-o-

Back at the Pretty Parlor, Majesty had covered the floor with dirty cash. She rolled about in the greenbacks laughing hysterically. Bills clung to her mane and tail. Her unspoiled white hair shone brightly against the sea of deep green. Her horn illuminated the room, casting eerie shadows along the Pony Wear that lined the shelves.

"Mine," she cackled evilly. "It's all mine!"

From just beyond the doorway Blossom, Blue Bell, Butterscotch, Cotton Candy, Minty, and Snuzzle all watched with horror.

"It's like she's caught Mad Cow disease," Butterscotch whispered.

"We have to do something," Blossom told the other mares.

"Like what?" Cotton Candy asked.

"We could ask her nicely to stop kidnapping celebrities," Minty suggested.

"Or we could help her find a hew hobby – like chasing butterflies," Snuzzle offered.

"Or sliding down rainbows," Cotton Candy smiled.

"Or catching falling raindrops!" Blossom whinnied.

"What about running across a flower filled meadow…"

Peachy and Lemondrop looked at each other with deep concern. Clearly the Original Collector Six had no idea how dire this situation was. They had no idea that nothing could stop Majesty now.

Nothing except:

The Magic Mirror.

_Dun Dun Dun…._

**FIN**

* * *

Thank you to everyone for reading this. I hope it gave you a few laughs along the way.

-Gemma


End file.
